Our wedding is an international celebration, bringing together guests from Germany, China, and many other parts of the world. This section offers a few insights into different wedding traditions, social etiquette, and cultural perspectives.
It is important for us to make clear: We’re not here to teach or impose rules. Instead, we invite you to embrace each other’s differences and celebrate our diversity together.
Wedding Culture
General Wedding Idea
- In Germany, weddings tend to be smaller and more intimate, often with 50 to 80 guests. The celebration is typically long and lively, with plenty of room for spontaneity, games, speeches, and a party lasting into the early morning. Dress codes are usually at least semi-chic or casual chic or above. Usually, all male guests wear their suit's jackets until the groom decides to take his jacket off. German couples often choose buffet-style dining, which is seen as dynamic with plenty of opportunities to move around and have small talk during a long dinner.
- In China, weddings are typically larger, often with hundreds of guests. They usually include early morning bridal games, elaborate tea ceremonies, speeches, and formal banquet-style dinners that often end at 9:00 PM. Dress codes are usually not requested during Chinese weddings. Unlike in Germany, food is often served to tables in courses so that the guests can relax and focus on eating, drinking, and chatting. Toasting in groups is one of the most important ways for Chinese to show hospitality and celebrate.
Gift Giving Traditions
Gift customs vary across cultures. In both cultures, giving monetary gifts at weddings is common. For those interested in more detail:
- In Germany, monetary gifts are sometimes presented creatively – for example in an origami-style arrangement, alongside a small personal gift like a bottle of wine or a framed picture, or in an envelope with a nice card and a heartfelt personal note. In case you want to give a monetary gift in Germany in a decorative way, securing it with transparent plastic wrap can help prevent anything from getting lost!
- In China, monetary gifts are given in a red envelope (红包 hongbao), symbolizing luck and prosperity. The amount given varies and stays private. Numbers like 8 are considered lucky (it sounds like the word “fortune” in Chinese), while 4 is avoided (it sounds like the word "death" in Chinese). Similarly, Chinese guests typically avoid wrapping gifts in white or black, since these colors are associated with mourning in China. Red, gold, or bright colors, however, are preferable. A few examples that are best avoided in China:
- Sharp objects (knives, scissors, etc.) – these symbolize "cutting ties", making them an unlucky gift, particularly for a wedding.
- Watches or clocks – In China, giving a clock (送钟 song zhong) sounds like "attending a funeral" and it symbolizes that "time is running out" to the receiver.
- Shoes – In China, giving a pair of shoes (送鞋 song xie) sounds like giving a demon as a gift, which is believed to bring bad luck.
Etiquette
With so many cultures coming together, differences in dining, drinking, and social etiquette will occur.
Greeting and Titles
- Greetings: In Germany, a hug, a soft pet on the shoulder, or a kiss on the cheek as a greeting is a friendly gesture. In China, that is reserved for closest friends and family, instead people wave or shake hands. Bowing, as done in Japanese or Thai culture, is not a common greeting in China. Interestingly, Chinese people tend to be more used to close physical proximity, whereas Germans generally prefer an arm’s-length distance as personal space during conversations.
- Titles: In Germany, people oftentimes switch to a first name basis quickly, even in professional settings. In China, respecting elders is very important. They are usually addressed with their last names or titles to show full respect, e.g., “Uncle Li” or “Dr. Li”.
Conversations
- Germans often come across as reserved at first but tend to open up over time, especially in social settings. For example, in Germany, people don’t mind short periods of silence in conversations and often make rational comments that may sound like complaints (e.g., "Oh, the weather isn't great today").
- In China, communication can be more direct and comments about personal appearance are commonly used for the beginning of small talks. For example, saying "Oh, you’ve gained some weight since the last time we met!" would not be considered offensive.
If you want to impress fellow guests with a few basic phrases, here are some first easy ideas:
- Hello (English) = Hallo (German) = Ni Hao (Chinese)
- Thank you (English) = Danke (German) = Xie Xie (Chinese)
- Cheers! (English) = Prost! (German) = Gan Bei! (Chinese)
If you are interested in picking up more phrases, we recommend the APP “Phrasebook” (click here for Apple's iOS-version).
Dining & Drinking
- Drinking culture: In both countries, it is completely fine to reject drinking alcohol. In Germany, people tend to drink at their own pace during dinner, with drinking sometimes becoming more intense later in the evening. When two people do cheers, they look at each other’s eyes, otherwise it means bad luck for both. In China, drinking is done in frequent toasts, often knocking back shots in one go (“Gan Bei”). “Gan Bei-ing” can get intense, especially with Baijiu (“white wine”), a strong Chinese liquor.
- Eating habits: In China, it’s common to share dishes at round tables. In Germany, people usually eat individual dishes. But sharing is also welcomed in Germany. In Germany, finishing your own plate is polite. In shared Chinese dishes, people tend to leave a last piece of delicious food to others instead of keeping it to themselves.
- Hot and cold beverages: In China, people often believe cold drinks can cause stomach problems. Therefore, they may prefer plain hot water or tea. In Germany, cold drinks are considered refreshing and common during meals, while hot drinks, like coffee and tea, are typically enjoyed before or after a meal.